When It Is Not Your Time to Find Love… Yet

After making the decision to leave my last serious relationship, I thought that it would be easier to meet someone new. It wasn’t. I met people I liked or people that liked me, but no relationship ever came out of these situations, either because I or the other party had not been interested, or they were in another country, travelling, and unavailable in some way.

Then I learnt all about “love blocking” Saturn cycles from Vedic Astrologer and Relationship coach Carol Allen.* She explained that there are seven and a half yearlong Saturn cycles when you will find it difficult to meet a partner.

Carol Allen says:

“In astrology, there’s one planet largely responsible for most of life’s problems, especially romantic ones: Saturn. When he’s “taking center stage” in your horoscope, you’ll feel like love is just a fairy tale that you’re never meant to have. You’ll feel bitter, heartbroken, and hopeless.

This feeling of desperation for answers is the ‘breakdown’ that precedes the ‘breakthrough’. That’s right—these difficult phases are commonly followed by easier, wonderful times. And suddenly, all the pain and misery of what you’ve gone through makes sense and gives you the strength and the clarity to make the most of things for years to come…

That’s how Saturn cycles work—they make your life (and love life) feel more out of control and hopeless so that you’re willing to make the positive changes that will lead you to what you really and truly long for, deep down.”

If you do meet someone during this “love blocking” Saturn cycle, this relationship will be fraught with challenges, difficulties, and insecurity. You can go to her site to get a chart done, and she will tell you if you are in one of these cycles. I ordered a chart and found out that sure enough, I had been in this ‘love blocking’ cycle since the year I had broken up with my last partner.

I found out about this while I was in the last year and a half of this “love blocking” cycle. Knowing about this astrological influence for the last year and a half, I was able to not expect too much out of any romantic interaction that I had and I could just enjoy getting to know someone and the process of dating. I stopped judging myself for the relationships that had not worked out, throughout the previous six years of my Saturn cycle. Although previously I thought that there was something wrong with me, that I just didn’t know how to “do” relationships, now I knew that it was not just me.

Over the seven and half years of my Saturn Cycle of learning, devouring countless books, teleseminars, mp3s on relationships, and my own personal experiences, I learned an enormous amount about relationships. Knowing your Saturn cycle will tell you when you will go through a lot of growing and will be reflecting on what you truly want in a partner and relationship. It’s when you realize and are forced to change what you need to change in yourself or let go of to be a better partner.

I learnt how to be more mature in my communications during these seven and half years. I became more secure and learned to appreciate the differences between men and women so that I could communicate better with men. I built my career and started to be more manageable around money, which all contributed to me feeling more confident and self-assured.

I was then able to share my experiences with my clients in coaching them through their relationship issues and struggles to feel in control in their lives. I have found Carol Allen’s insights into timing in particular so insightful and helpful for myself and with my clients, as I help them to navigate through the terrain of their periods of not being able to find the lasting relationships they seek.

I help them to see that if they are in a particular period of their Saturn cycle, where they will not find it easy to develop a lasting relationship and that these periods are more for dating rather than mating and not to hold out too much hope for a long term commitment until after the cycle has passed.

Helping my clients navigate their way through their current relationships as well as finding happy and healthy relationships has got to be one of my most favourite things. I love seeing my clients happy and fulfilled in new relationships and enjoy seeing their glowing faces and the extra bounce in their steps.

Learning about Saturn cycles has helped me to accept at a deep level, that there is a timing to all things and sometimes it’s just not your time to be in a serious committed relationship, but sometimes it’s exactly the right time. There are periods in your Saturn cycles that are very auspicious for finding a good relationship. You can find these out by ordering a Saturn Cycle report.

During times when you are not in a good period to find a long-lasting relationship, it doesn’t mean that you have to avoid or shun every opportunity to date or meet someone, even if it may not last. Every connection and interaction has the potential for growth and learning. It helps you prepare for the real deal and improves your relationship skills.

I have learnt that what you think you want or should have isn’t always what you need. Sometimes a relationship offers you what you never even knew that you wanted, but it is exactly what you need. Actually, I find this to be true, almost every time.

If it is difficult for you to find a relationship even though you feel you are doing everything that you can to put yourself out there and meet other singles; If you find yourself meeting partners that are unavailable, or otherwise not willing to make a commitment to you; If you feel like a failure where relationships are concerned; You can order a Saturn Cycle report to find out if you are in a period of time where you are not meant to find love…. yet. This report will also tell you when it is your time. As for me, I’m no longer in this period of learning and growing according to my report, but in a way, I’m always learning and growing, that is life isn’t it? The only things that don’t grow in nature, are dead.

The relationship and connection I seek, I can best encapsulate using the Japanese words Koi No Yokan which means “the sense upon first meeting a person that the two of you are going to fall into love”. This phrase is not about the heady, intoxicated “love at first sight” feeling that takes your breath away, but often doesn’t last; instead, refers to a subtler sense that there is a heartfelt, familiar feeling when you meet someone that you know has a chance of growing into a deeper, meaningful and enduring relationship. The exact form it takes may not be clear initially, you may see it as a friendship, but in time, this may develop naturally into something more.

I’ve always felt that the luckiest people fall in love with their best friends. Because when all the passion and initial attraction dies down, and it will, in all relationships, if not with time, then as you age and are not as focused on your sexuality to bond the relationship, what you are left with is friendship. You have to see if you are with someone that you actually like as a person, whose company you enjoy.

So I intend to choose a partner that I know I can be with when all the chips are down, and money, health, or looks are all gone because, in this ever-changing world, this could be what you will be faced with. Don’t marry someone for anything other than the love you feel for who they are as a whole being, good and bad, faults and all.

As for me, there are times when I worry that if I wait too long, I will “miss the boat”. Some people tell me that I am “too choosy” or “high maintenance”, and though I do have my own emotional baggage and issues, I have a sense that it has also just not been my time. I honestly don’t know when it will be my time to be in another serious committed relationship. I’m really much more interested in getting to know someone, in the spirit of “romantic friendship” before committing to any serious relationship.

According to the authors of “Soul Dating to Soul Mating”, Basha Kaplan, Psy.D and Gail Prince, M.Ed., a “romantic friendship” is a relationship where “two people know, value and accept everything (warts and all) about each other. They may not like everything about each other, but they accept it anyway”. They suggest dating in this spirit, where in dating a few individuals, you build up to a possibility of exclusively dating one person, after having gotten to know their character.

I am a lot more conscious about my dating process these days, in the sense that, when I meet someone new, I consider the qualities they have, and if these qualities match what I am looking for in a partner - qualities like loyalty, honesty or a sense of wanting to give back to the world, or does my partner show up for me and treat me with respect and regard. I contemplate how I might get along, day-to-day, in a committed relationship with any prospective partner in my life.

And though I am not in a committed relationship right now, I have faith that this may change at any moment, and probably a most unexpected one.

And in the quiet moments, when I am believing in life, and all its infinite possibilities, I am also believing that the man I’ve been dreaming of all my life, just might be dreaming of me too.

*Carol Allen’s website www.soulmatestars.com